Say, “You’re Welcome!” And mean it…
Okay, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and, since the origin of the holiday is our ancestors giving thanks centuries ago, numerous articles online and in print the last few weeks tout the importance and benefits of being grateful.
So, since everyone else is reminding you to be grateful, and some are sharing with you what they are grateful for, I won’t. I know—you’re grateful, aren’t you!
Instead I want to stress the importance of accepting gratitude or receiving thanks.
I don’t know where we got into the habit of brushing off thanks, of discounting appreciation, of pooh-poohing gratitude but it seems that we are as bad at receiving thanks as we are at receiving compliments. Maybe our parents were worried we would get a big head or something if we received too much gratitude. Or maybe our therapists were concerned that we would only do good things in order to receive gratitude. (And I have to wonder, how bad would that be? Think about how much nicer the world might be if we all got off on doing good things just to hear someone say thank you to us!)
How good did you feel the last time you gave someone a gift and received their thanks in the form of a hug, a kiss, a thank you or, one of the sure signs of gratitude, tears? The thing is, discounting the gratitude in effect discounts our gift, whether that gift is of time, money, love, or other resource. How many times have you expressed appreciation to someone only to hear them say, “Oh, it is nothing.”
What is nothing? The act of giving? The gift itself? If that is true then where is the gift, where is the meaning and intent behind the gift? So, what, you gave me something that is nothing, means nothing to you? Then why bother?
I don’t know about you but when I say thank you to someone, I want them to fully accept and take in my gratitude and appreciation because that too is a gift.
See, giving is a circular action of giving, receiving, and giving appreciation for the giving. If we don’t fully receive the gratitude, we stop the circle of giving. We halt that flow of life that creates abundance.
So much of the recent writing and teaching on abundance, like The Secret, stresses the importance of feeling and expressing gratitude to the Universe, God, Source in order to keep the flow of abundance going. The implication, then, is that the Universe, God, Source happily and completely receives your gratitude. So happily, in fact, that He/She/It gives to you more, and then happily again receives your thanks. On and on.
Giving and gratitude are part of a whole. “You can’t have one without the other,” as that old song says.
So don’t just give thanks, receive it. Joyfully. Completely. It is NOT nothing. It is something.
Happy Holiday!
You’re welcome! Truly!
November 21st, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Thanks, Paula. I feel the same. For me, what’s worse is the thank-you response of “No problem.” I find it unsettling and sad. What does “No problem” mean? That if it (the action, the words, the time, the gift) WERE difficult, costly, or time-consuming, the giver wouldn’t have taken that action, spent that time, said those words, or given that gift? “No problem” negates the value.
Here’s another perspective on the flow between thank you and you’re welcome.
Just this week, I gave a workshop to 250 high school sophomores on the themes explored in the musical “Wicked.” We also talked about the tangible and intangible requirements to make such a huge show work, from green spot lights to the energy exchange called “infinity” that moves back and forth, like a figure eight, between actor and audience. The actor gives her talent; the audience gives its appreciation.
Directors have been known to tell an actor, “You aren’t giving enough infinity” - meaning the actor isn’t giving himself wholeheartedly to the audience. The audience can feel the reserve and responds in kind. But when the infinity is really flowing, you’ve got a hit.
Zita
November 21st, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Yes, Zita, that “no problem” response to gratitude can be just as disconcerting and discounting as the “it’s nothing”.
I love the idea of the energy exchange of actor and audience known as infinity. Isn’t that is what all creative actions involve–the gifting of insight, perspective, and beauty, and the grateful receiving of it as the gift it is whether in the form of applause, purchase, participation, or personal acknowledgement. There is nothing I love more than to have someone tell me thank you for the insight or life change that my book has prompted for them. And I try to be mindful of saying heartfully, “You’re welcome.” Just to keep that “infinity” going.
Gives a whole new meaning to that well-known quote, “To Infinity and beyond!”
November 21st, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Yikes! I’m guilty of using both the ‘it’s nothing’ and the ‘no problem.’ Thanks for showing me how ungrateful and demeaning it is to myself and the recipient when I say that.
Always something new to learn, huh?
November 22nd, 2007 at 5:25 pm
We’re all guilty of it, Liz. It has become an unconscious response for most of us. And with Christmas coming up we all will have lots of opportunity to practice our thank yous and you’re welcomes!