5 Tips for Moving Past Rejection
Well, last Friday I received another rejection of my manuscript, The Shadow Weaver, blasting my hope of working with an agent who had generously offered to look at my first three chapters again if I made some revisions.
Unfortunately, it appears that the changes I made weren’t enough to “involve her emotionally.”
Sigh! I went into a funk. One of those maybe-I-shouldn’t-be writing-fiction-or-even-writing-at-all funks. You know—the one where you want to go hide somewhere like a deep, dark closet or a deserted island somewhere and just bawl or throw a tantrum.
Well, I don’t have a deep, dark closet—I live in an 1840’s Greek Revival farmhouse. They had wardrobes back then, not big closets. And, since I live in the foothills of the Catskill Mountains, there are no islands close by.
So here is what I did instead. Maybe these five tips will help you get through your next rejection, since we all get them, sooner or later.
- Have a tantrum even if there is no island. I shed some tears for a few minutes and then visualized throwing myself down on my studio floor and screaming and kicking. While I may not have done it physically, the visualization seemed to help. And that way, I didn’t scare our dog, Duncan, into searching for his own closet.
- Seek comfort from a friend. After my modified tantrum, I wondered, “Who could I tell that would understand and sympathize?” First, I called my husband who is very understanding and supportive but isn’t a writer. I needed the sympathy and empathy of writers. After talking with one friend by phone, I then sent out emails to several other writer friends. Over the next 24 hours they all either called or sent emails sympathizing and empathizing and generally reassuring me that I was a good writer and there was a home for my story out there somewhere. Then I had some dark chocolate—it’s a good friend too!
- Go for a walk, work in your garden, or indulge in a hot bath. Releasing some of that disappointment and stress through physical activity and relaxation brings about a sense of calm, clarity, and perspective. I took Duncan for a walk and recalled how many times J. K. Rowling was rejected before an agent took her manuscript for Harry Potter. Was I going to quit now?
- Get back on the horse. I know the wisdom—getting back up on the horse keeps you from being afraid of the horse. It also keeps you from becoming paralyzed, from not moving forward. The friend I talked to on Friday, gave me some sympathy and then, even more important, some valuable information about some publishers. So on Saturday, I sent out another query with a synopsis and the first three chapters according to the guidelines of the publisher.
- Keep creating. Now that you are back up and swinging again, don’t sit around waiting for the reply. Eons could pass—and often do in this business. Instead, move onto the next project. Give yourself something to look forward to each morning other than the empty mailbox or the quiet phone. Take a deep breath and write—or paint, or dance, or compose.
The bottom line is our art is more than what we do. It is who we are. I am a writer. I can’t stop writing, whether I get to share that with the world the way I want to or not.
Tantrums are a good thing. So is getting back on the horse. Call your friends. Keep writing, keep creating. And go have some really good dark chocolate.