“Comparisons are Odious” (John Fortescue)–and Lead to Creative Blocks!
I was talking on the phone the other evening with a writer friend of mine. She and I along with three other writers check in with each other by email on Sunday nights to share our weekly writing accomplishments, to state goals for the coming week, and to occasionally whine or commiserate when the writing—and our lives—don’t go as planned.
After reading everyone’s check-in for the week, my friend was feeling impressed by the accomplishments of several of the writers but, by comparison, that she just wasn’t doing enough.
“Hmmm,” I said. “Let’s see. You have a full-time demanding job and you…” I listed several other activities she was involved in during the week and on weekends, including family commitments.
“AND you are working on a book…Yep, you are definitely sitting around doing nothing!” I finished.
Laughing, she thanked me for reminding her of all that she does. Then we brainstormed ideas for her book.
What is it about creatives, especially creative women, that we constantly feel the need to compare ourselves to others? Why do we succumb to doing that especially when the usual result is a feeling of not being enough, not doing enough, not succeeding enough?
Feelings of “not enough” often translate into feelings of incompetence and lack of self-confidence. It is hard to be creative in that space. It is hard to believe in the value of our work and from there it gets hard to make our creativity a priority in our time and space. In fact, we are apt to waste time beating ourselves up about our shortcomings instead of writing or painting or composing. We end up creatively blocked.
When I get into that place of feeling like I don’t produce enough, that I’m not earning my keep, so to speak, I start making lists of everything I have accomplished for the day no matter how small. In addition to helping me see all I do, it also nudges me into my creative work because somewhere on the list, by the end of the day, I want to see my writing or weaving included. I don’t want to see that I spent all my time taking care of everything and everyone else while neglecting my creative work.
If you want to avoid odious comparisons, try this journal technique. For five to seven days (depending on how you work), make a journal entry for that day that lists everything you do between the time your feet hit the floor until you fall sighing back into bed. You can include everything from brushing your teeth to writing a chapter, to paying bills, or you can list only what you deem are the important activities (but be careful how you define that), or you can list only those activities related to your creative work. At the end of that list, write one creative task you want to do the next day. Then challenge yourself to make sure that task makes it on the next day’s list of accomplishments.
At the end of the five or seven days, look at all you’ve accomplished over that time and compare yourself to yourself! Did you do more than you thought (which is what often happens), or was this an easy week and you’d like to accomplish more next week? Don’t berate yourself for not doing more because that takes you back to the place of “not enough.” Instead, consider the easier week one of gathering your energy for the week to come.
Adopt the practice of self-acknowledgement. Save the odious comparisons for car shopping.
March 30th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Zowee! You certainly described me to a tee! I’m finding though that breaking the ‘not enough’ habit is a challenge. Not one I’m giving up on, certainly, but I do encounter slide backs. Following your advice and looking back I can see that the slide backs are fewer than they used to be.
I, too, am writing a book. I decided that his book would be written in my voice, with my humor, my outlook, my experience. Talk about challenging the ‘not enoughs!’ But I think of your advice and I pat myself on the back and get on with it.
I love your blog and connecting to a like mind.
March 30th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
THanks, Liz! Yes, I think it is when we are most ourselves in our creative work that the “not enoughs” become the most challenging. But isn’t that when the work is also the deepest and richest and most rewarding?
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
As always, your blog gives me a sharper perspective on my writing life — especially this entry. Let me add the positive side of comparisons.
Unfortunately, for good or ill, I find comparing myself to other writers to be a double-edged sword. Years ago, before I had sold my first manuscript, I joined a writers’ group and looked to its members who were published as proof that “ordinary” people could write stories that major publishers would buy. Those writers were my reality check.
Now I look to other writers to see how they get through the no-contract, dry spells. They’re writing articles, editing magazines, submitting proposals. They’re working! Hard to do all that with a full-time job, community and family obligations. For me, perhaps what I need is a clean sweep of my calendar
Zita
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Right, Zita. Looking at how others follow through with their creativity can be very helpful and encouraging, but maybe that is the difference between odious comparisons and wise role-modeling. And what a difference that can make!